Four Agreements Domestication: A Guide to Living Your Best Life
In his book, “The Four Agreements,” author Don Miguel Ruiz outlines a powerful philosophy for living a fulfilled life. These agreements, rooted in Toltec wisdom, offer a blueprint for how to live authentically, free from the limiting beliefs and societal conditioning that can hold us back.
One of the most significant areas in which we can apply the four agreements is in our relationships, particularly in our romantic partnerships. Relationship “domestication” is a term Ruiz uses to describe the ways in which we are trained to conform to certain societal expectations and norms in our romantic relationships. This conditioning can have a detrimental impact on our ability to communicate effectively, be true to ourselves, and experience deep, meaningful connections.
Here are the four agreements, and how they can help us break free from domestication and live our best lives in our relationships:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
This agreement is about speaking with integrity and avoiding gossip, lies, and self-judgment. In relationships, it’s essential to communicate truthfully and respectfully with your partner. This means using “I” statements, actively listening, and being mindful of how your words might be received.
Domestication often requires us to hide our true feelings or say what we think our partner wants to hear. But this only leads to misunderstandings, resentment, and a lack of intimacy. By being impeccable with your words, you can create a safe space for open and honest communication.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
This agreement is about not allowing the opinions and actions of others to affect your self-worth. In relationships, it’s easy to fall victim to this trap. We often take our partner’s behavior personally, assuming it’s a reflection of our own worth or attractiveness.
Domestication can exacerbate this tendency by making us overly attuned to our partner’s moods and needs, leading to a cycle of people-pleasing and codependency. By not taking anything personally, you can maintain your sense of self and avoid getting caught up in the drama.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
This agreement is about asking for clarification and avoiding making assumptions about others’ thoughts and intentions. In relationships, assumptions can be a major source of conflict. We might assume our partner isn’t interested in spending time with us, for example, when in reality they have other things going on.
Domestication can also lead us to make assumptions about our partner’s wants and needs, rather than asking directly. By avoiding assumptions and practicing clear communication, we can build trust and understanding in our relationships.
4. Always do your best.
This agreement is about committing to your own growth and improvement, rather than comparing yourself to others or worrying about perfection. In relationships, it’s important to focus on doing your best, rather than trying to “win” or be the perfect partner.
Domestication can create pressure to conform to certain expectations, leading to feelings of inadequacy or resentment. By doing your best and focusing on your own growth, you can cultivate a sense of confidence and purpose in your relationships.
Practicing the four agreements in your relationships can help you break free from domestication and experience deeper, more fulfilling connections. By being true to yourself, communicating openly, and committing to your own growth, you can create a relationship that supports and empowers you to be your best self.